Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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