it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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