Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ketchup is God's man juice
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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