Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
