I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
