I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
