Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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