Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ttyl tear gas
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
