im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
