She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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