I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
