I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize