They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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