there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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