My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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