My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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