Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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