Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
