dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize