textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
