dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
