you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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