There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
