I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
