Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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