Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
