I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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