But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
