you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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