she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
