Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
