you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
