You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
