i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
