i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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