no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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