i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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