she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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