My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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