Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
