I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
