I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
