I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
