Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
