If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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