I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
