your parents love me but you hate me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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