my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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