I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
