so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
did you just send me my own nude
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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