I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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