I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
