dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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