New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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