my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
