My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im just a social blackout drinker.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
