I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
