I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
