3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
