Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
