..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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