Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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