The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sober January is a disaster.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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