I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
