Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
