just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize