i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They have beer where we have blood.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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