Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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