Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize