i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
