I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
