State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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