Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
