Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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