At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Randomize
