I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
