It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
