Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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