you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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