Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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