Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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