"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My balls are so social today.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish you could order shots online.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The adults are the big ones right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
