i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
